Hello! Always a good place to start I find. Welcome. Here, have a mint (I’m sorry, I don’t actually have mints, but I panicked & I thought it would be the most fanzy thing to say)
The last 3 years of my life have been…difficult to describe. One word, or even a few, fails to aptly describe the extreme significancies and moments that have filled the last 940 days or so. It’s like when someone asks you a question, which you KNOW the answer to, you just cannot articulate & you stand there looking like a mouth-breathing Napoleon Dynamite. Gosh.
In a (salty) nutshell (because salted nuts are the best!) I’ve had my heart decimated twice, watched someone I loved love someone else, broken 1 (maybe 1.5, but that’s debatable) hearts, lost myself a few times, found myself, fallen so deeply in love I was addicted to another human being (it was mosag. I was mosag in love you guys), lost myself some more, found myself again, developed a frustrating and sometimes debilitating case of OCD, formed an actual substanszhial relationship with my family members aaaaand surrounded myself with remarkable people that have become akin to family. To name a few.
In short, I’ve had my life completely broken down to the point where I was almost sure Adele wrote all her albums exclusively for me and that she actually read my diary from that time I was 18. Adele was my spirit animal. Shuks Adele. To the point where no matter what I did, a Coldplay song would be playing in my head. Bladdy dramatig.
…come up to meeeet you…
…tell you I’m sorry…
To the point where I wondered when the sandwich making process got to be so emoszhional? And when would I bladdy stop crying over cheese?! I honestly wondered if I’d stop tjanking profusely, because what if I broke my tear ducts (glands?). I mean, I’m sure I’d need them in the future. (like crying delicately in to a laze handkerchiev at weddings and such. Yeah ok man, I don’t have a handkerchiev). THE UGLY CRY WAS STRONG IN THIS ONE YOU GUYS.
And then I rebuilt my life from the confusing remnants, like putting together a puzzle with misshapen pieces, not exactly certain of what the bigger pigszhure was supposed to be. Because with life there is no perfect picture on the lid of the puzzle box, no image showing you what your end goal is, or what you’re supposed to aspire to. Oh my gosh you guys, I’m like, so deep right now.
Anywaaaaay, the point is, I’m now at a place where I’m considerably happier, less angry (I’m still angry though, I suffer from small person rage) and trying to come to terms with who I am & where my life is going. Which brings me to the purpose of these entries.
A few months ago a good friend shared his “To Do List” with me & some other friends and I was really taken with the idea. We all have a list of things (be them big or seemingly insignificant) that we’d like to do. And we are either too lazy to do them or we make silly excuses.
*To do today: Soar like an eagle*
*I can’t today though, because I woke up lade and the 7de Laan omnibus is on, so las that. I’ll soar next week. I promise*
Let’s be honest, procrastinaszhion is vrot & actually putting ideas to paper makes us more likely to see them through. They’re more tangible. Almost more achievable and real for some reason. And that’s why seeing him actually doing the things he really wanted to was a resonating inspiraszhion for me.
And so I’ve come up with my own list of goeds to do. Because I love doing goeds. I’m a doer Cady, I’m a doer. (I refuse to apologize for the abundance of pob culture references that will be making appearances. Agcebd me for who I am). If you know me, you’ll understand that I’m all about the activities. I think in terms of “IS THERE SO MUDGE SPACE FOR ACTIVITIES?”
I thus present to you, THE LIST THINGY. (I decided on this because really, deciding on a name for something makes me anxious. I took 2 weeks to name my one cat. She was really confused for that time.)
This is a varied list of things that I’ve always wanted to do, and hopefully will achieve Inshallah (Oh yeah, I’m muslim, so there may be some Islamic terminology thrown in here. Don’t paap. Salaam) A list of things, that I hope will be fun and amazing, and enrich my life, while I search for that ever elusive contentment I so yearn for.
Each entry will document me doing one of the things on the list. This blarg is really just for documentaszhion purposes. It is not meant to be serious. I don’t understand serious people. I like to laugh. I love to laaav and laaav and laaav. And this blarg is here to make me (and you hopefully?) laugh. It is here to celebrate (my) life. To celebrate the achievement of doing something I’ve always wanted to. I’m not trying to be like anyone, I’m not trying to prove anything. Honest. And in the spirit of honesty, I need you guys to know that I’m very lame hey. Please note that this is the first and hopefully last entry that discusses emoszhions. I just needed to create the context for this. Sorry man. But now you understand. SO LET US GO FORTH AND PROSPUR! (not the shop Prosper in Grassy Park).
As a last side note – please know that apart from my occasional aggressive moments and people hating, I am generally a happy, loud person. Sometimes annoyingly so. But love meh anyway please. Thangz.